Day 9: Legs (or lack there of)

For those of you who don't know me personally, you may not have recognized that I am really short.  Us short people prefer the term petite, but it really amounts to the same thing... our heads are closer to our feet, we look up at most people just to attempt eye contact, it usually rains on us last, and sometimes we wish we had longer legs.

It seems like long legs are so admired.  Lots of guys really think long legs are the epitome of a beautiful feminine feature, and by and large I agree.  Long legs are lovely!  Women do a whole lot of things to make their legs look longer... wearing high heels is the most obvious, but it extends beyond that when we decide whether to wear skinny jeans or boot cut, mid length or maxi dresses.  Ballerinas wear toe shoes to make their beautiful, mile long legs appear even longer to enhance the beauty of the dances they perform.  Some shorter women actually have tried to adopt this technique, and have a habit of standing on their tiptoes on a frequent basis.  I know I do, and I wish I could say it is simply for keeping my calves in shapely condition.

Since I have gone much more "barefoot" style in my footwear choices, I have noticed something about myself, and about other people as well.  One, once I got used to my feet being flat on the ground, I realized the benefit of having strong feet and legs far outstrips my concern for how my height is perceived by other people.  Maybe people are just being tactful (though I have never known the population in general to be a particularly tactful group), but people really have not commented on my height any more than they have in the past, despite the fact that the crown of my head is, in fact, closer to the ground on a more regular basis.

I also realized that I care less and less about what people think or say about my height.  It used to drive me crazy to hear people say, "Oh my gosh, look at you!  You are so cute!", or better yet, "Did you know, you are really short."  I have gotten my digs in over the years, and have some excellent retorts, albeit as unflattering for the recipient as their comment seemed to me.  But I have come to embrace cuteness as a fact of life, and really, it isn't half bad to be cute.  I may never be viewed as gorgeous or glamorous, and I have no delusions that I am actually going to get any taller, regardless of how much Tai Chi I practice.  But I am learning to appreciate cute.  I mean, curvaceous and dead sexy may yet even be within my reach.

I figure I can view my petite stature in a different way.  Some people in this world were given long, sexy legs.  Some people don't have legs at all.  I can either embrace jealousy and grumble about being short, or I can be appreciative that I have decent, working legs and nice calves that shockingly lack any resemblance to cankles, and be happy with who I am and the way I look, any time, anywhere, while standing next to whomever I happen to be standing next to, regardless of how far I have to look up to have an effective conversation.

To all the shorties out there, LOVE your legs, ACCEPT the fact that your hips and ribs will never be any reasonable distance apart, and EMBRACE your cuteness, even if it means shopping for t-shirts in the kids section, because guess what, nobody, and I mean NOBODY, can pull off cute the way a short woman can.  And trust me, the words dead sexy still apply!

<3  Dani

Day 7: Shoes

There are SO many songs written about shoes.

These boots are made for walking.

I got my new shoes on, everything's gonna be alright.

I put on my blue suede shoes, and I boarded the plain, touch down in the land of the Delta Blues in the  middle lf the pouring rain.

take of your shoes, reeealll slow... you can leave your hat on.

Too much walking and my soles worn thin, too much tripping and my soul's worn thin.

....


Songs about shoes are great. There are a ton more, and I could go on and on. But that is my list for tonight. For more insight on shoes and the lack there of, please refer to Day 2: Two.

That is where my real shoe passions are unleashed.

By the way, I solved my barefoot style winter shoe problem in one simple pair.  UGGS.

My god, my feet and calves are in total love.  UGGS, you complete me.

Have a great Monday, all!


♥ Dani

Day 5 and Day 6: Biggest fear - Embarrassment

The Fear of Embarrassment...

The pyche is a very sneaky thing. There is so much that happens automatically in your brain, little defense mechanisms that you probably aren't even aware of, that occur on a moment to moment basis, every second of every day.  I am not one to make excuses, generally speaking (though I will invent a lame story from time to time to avoid social interactions... usually revolving around washing my hair), however, I know when my mind is playing tricks on me.

One of my biggest fears, strangely, is NOT embarrasment.  I embarass myself on a daily basis. I say the wrong things when I am trying to be funny or crack jokes, I am absolutely horrible at delivering a story because it takes me an eternity to just get to the point, and on top of all that, I am physically clumsy. I trip over my own feet. I handle sterile surgical instruments with butterfingers.  Last week, I accidentally stabbed myself with an orthopedic bone pin. In case you didnt know, in the workplace, usually it is better to leave a good impression, not offerings of your own blood on the sharps container.
So, for me, embarrassment is a daily ritual, and frankly, most of the time it makes for pretty good entertainment and a funny story (even if they are long winded).

You would think that, after all this, I would have no trouble putting myself in situations where I am given the opportunity to ham it up. But actually, I am among a very large group of individuals who suffer from glossophobia. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, about 74% of Americans have a fear of public speaking, and I am also one of 5.3 million people in the United States that suffers from one form of social anxiety or another.
That means that 3 of you out of 4 reading this blog are actually scared to death of stepping out in front of a faceless crowd to deliver any kind of speech, presentation, or even a short antecdote or public greeting.  Do we really have an appreciation for how this effects us in our daily lives?

I have this terrific opportunity that was practically dropped in my lap several  months ago to teach a continuing education course to a group of veterinary technicians.  I have been known to procrastinate from time to time, but let me tell you, I have some great ideas that I am really fired up about, and I am all juiced up to start putting together a great lecture with a wet lab. I mean, it could be really good... informative, clever, fascinating, free credit hours for techs, and as a highlight, group interaction with The Best Dog In The World for demonstration purposes.
It sounds awesome, doesnt it? I mean, if you are the perpetual student type who loves adorable black lab mutts.
Well, I can't even bring myself to start this project.  Why? It could be extra income, a great learning experience, and an assett to the company that I work for.  It would also mean I have to talk, at length, in front of an entire hospital staff.  Sadly, even having The Best Dog In The World with me can't take THAT scary part away.

Like I said, I am not usually one to make excuses, and I can't even believe I am admitting to this online to a huge audience (though it could have something to do with the cyber-brown bag covering my face right now), but I suspect my brain is pulling out all the defensive stops on this one.  I have come up with every excuse in the book; I need a new computer to assemble the presentataion because my poor little MacBook doesnt have a slideshow program... I don't have enough time, even though I frequently take time out of my day to read Harry Potter (again... and again) and play Mario Cart... I just got myself to working a single full time job again, what do I want to start working extra hours for again?
The list is endless. And highly rationalized.

Has anyone else here procrastinated a project out of fear of the final outcome, being in this case something that involves public speaking?
If so, how did you get over it?  Were you ever able to conquer it to finish a task that other people were counting on you to complete?

I would love to hear your comments, experiences or suggestions on this.

This is a solemn plea for some advice or assistance!  I really would love to get this project done, but really, I dont know where to start.  Where has my confidence gone? Am I seriously so scared of my own public appearance to even formulate more than the germination of some exciting new ideas?

Thanks for reading, everyone. I know I can be an... extreme storyteller, but, as the lady on the corner of Parker Road and I-225 with the cardboard sign always says, Anything Helps, Even Just a Smile (Go Broncos!!)

Oh, and God Bless!



♥ Dani


Also, please check out another challenge participant and the brain child of this project. Garnet you are inspiring!  31 day challenge, by Garnet Scarabin!

Day 4: Pet... Un-peeved.

"An opportunity for complaint that is seldom missed."

I found this on Urban Dictionary as a definition for "pet peeve".  As far as the popularity of this definition... well, it got twice as many thumbs down as it did thumbs up, whereas the more traditional definition (as found in your Webster or Wiki) got lots and lots of approvals.

Voters have missed the point entirely, because THIS definition says something that the others don't.

It is an opportunity for complaint.

Usually, when someone uses the word opportunity, it is because there is a choice involved. In this case, or in any case of an annoyance or greivance, a choice is most certainly involved.
Put it this way.  There is no situation that you do not choose to be in.  I'm not really including tragedy or natural disaster, though even in those cases a choice was made at some point to physically be in whatever space you are occupying as tragedy strikes. Did I consciously choose to be stuck in Hurricane Sandy when it struck the east coast? No, not really. But I did choose to be where I was at the time I was there.
Well, pet peeves are tragedies in their own little way - overly dramatic reactions to the tedious story line of daily life.

A little over a month ago, around Christmas time, I was on my way to Tai Chi class when some guy cut me off on the freeway going about 65 miles per hour, without ever even seeing me.  I mean, this person was completely and utterly oblivious to the fact that my car and I even existed at all. The instinct for self preservation would say that the most sensible thing to react to in this situation is the possibility that I could have become a highway hotcake. In fact, I was actually yelling at the car while gesturing rapidly in an unsavory but creative manner, much of which involved the f-word and my middle finger.  But was I yelling at the guy because he almost ran me off the road?  No.  Was I angry because he made me late to my Tai Chi class because I missed my exit and had to reroute,  especially since it was the one day I decided to try showing up on time? A little.  What, then, was I mad enough about that I had to invent new and interesting sign language to express?

I'll tell you what. The guy had a pair of stuffed reindeer antlers suction-cupped to the sides of his car.

Don't get me wrong, I love the holidays. Christmas is extremely fun to me. I enjoy hot cocoa and caroling, I would never turn down Christmas cookies or listening to Karen Carpenter, and if an elf came up to me and told me he came straight from Santa's workshop, I would probably give him a hug and a candy cane before shooing him along on his merry little way.  But decorating a mini van? That is just about one of the stupidest things you could possibly do.  First of all, your mini van never was cool. Why would you think that putting antlers and a red puffy nose on the grill would make it cooler? Is this someone's idea of a joke of what it means to be festive, that they feel the need to put these tacky and insanely distracting ornaments on the exterior of their vehicles for the world to see? It is completely indecent. The guy was quite obviously a complete and total tool. Plus, he tried to hit me with his freaking reindeer mini van. I mean, where do these people come from, the Island of Misfit SUVs?!

Life, in that moment, handed me an amazing opportunity for complaint. I was secretly handed another opportunity too, though it is one that was really hard to see. Our pet peeves are choices. There is no situation that you choose not to be in, and that includes the things that we choose to, sometimes irrationally, get angry about.  I know that there was an impetus for anger about almost being pummeled by a fake reindeer rack. But who's time am I wasting by hating antlers forever, just on principle? Why should I continue to rehash that moment, living it again and again every time I am reminded of it, as though it was some weird extension of my own self? Do I really want to be... annoyed for the rest of my life?


I actually did make a New Year's decision this year. I didn't post about it in the Day 1 topic because I really just wanted to talk about nakedness (cam you blame me?). As Karen Carpenter once said, "Not enough people in this world are happy." So this is what I have decided.

This year is my year to shine, and in order to shine abundantly, I am letting go of old dusty habits and outdated anger. I simply do not need them anymore. I am formally offering the opportunities that are seldom missed to the contenders who are most deserving.  I always have time to make a choice, and that means I have time to make the right choices.
So, goodbye pet peeves. I can't say it was always nice having you around, anyway.


... though I will say, I just might miss those antlers.




♥ Dani

Day 3: Bucket List

Do I have a Bucket List?

Yes, I do.

However, every time I write a list, I lose it and find it rolled up in a laundered jeans pocket 3 weeks later.

I would hate for my digital list to get laundered. I just learned how to use a touch screen last month, and I don't want to backpedal on progress.

....

I have this sinking feeling that I just used my Get Out Of Jail Free card.



♥ Dani

Day 2: Two

I firmly believe that one of the best things you can do for your health is to go barefoot.

It doesnt take much, really. Just a general desire for plantar freedom and a willingness to earn a decent callous. Well, I guess it takes a little more than that, especially out here in Colorado. We barefooted folk have a tough time in the winter. The ground is freezing cold, but for the most part, we still want to feel it.

Before you jump to conclusions, oh skeptical ones, this is not just a weird Crunchy Colorado thing. Its not like we are just hobbiting about on our way to the dispensary, no!  Barefoot is the new fitness craze. It has all the common sense of traditional outdoor activities like running and hiking, but with an almost jazzercize flair when you really look at the oh-so technicolor products out there for people that desire more exercise for their feet.

There has been a huge shift in the past decade toward minimizing footwear. For those of you who are somewhat intrigued by this concept but are somewhat put off by the thought of looking like you've walked off of the Lord of the Rings set, fear not. There are cool options out there just for you. Just about every major athletic shoe company has at least a few designs of minimalist shoe, each pair even more ergonomic than the next.  There are even companies dedicated exclusively to barefoot-style footwear, that I fondly dub "the toe shoes".

The truth is, your feet get you around, and for most people, they could be treated a whole lot nicer. I'm not talking pedicures, though a good pedi is entirely acceptable in 9 cases out of 10 (and in some cases... highly recommended).  Your feet are, at least 90% of the time, your sole gateway to sensory perception between your brain and the ground you walk on. And if you dont know where your feet are, how can you possibly know where you are going in your day to day life?

The health benefits of barefoot living are actually quite astounding. Did you know you have as many tiny bones and muscles, even as many touch-sensitive nerves in your feet as you do in your much more dexterous hands? Its true! But lets face it, modern athletic footwear seems to have one simple goal... to effectively splint your feet during activity.

I am sure you have heard rumors about bad knees, shin splints, neck and back aches and many other woes when you dont have proper foot support. But let me tell you, I am an advocate for barefootedness for many reasons, and most of them are because I have less pain in my knees, ankles, hips, back and neck since I have adopted a barefoot lifestyle.  It seems counterintuitive at first, but when you give your feet a chance, they actually help your body function the way it is supposed to - and as your poor atrophied foot muscles become stronger and more limber, things line up properly, all the way from the ground up.  And for those of you who are "on your feet all day", me too!  As a surgical nurse, I used to suffer horribly from plantar fasciitis, and I tried medical professional shoes, shoe inserts, everything I could to get rid of it. Only one thing helped. A barefoot lifestyle.
Now I have worn a barefoot style shoe to work - only 2.5mm of man made materials between the soles of my feet and the floor - just about every day for the past 6 months. I have suffered from plantar fasciitis only once, when I made the mistake of wearing traditional footwear to work.

So next time your dogs are really barking, try taking them for a walk - a real walk, as nature intended - and perambulate yourself back to good health.

To your feet... two of the most hardworking parts of the human body.  Salutations!



♥ Dani

P.S.  When you make the barefoot leap, please be smart about it and learn how to transition properly. Otherwise... your calves will be mooing, too!!

Day 1: New

Day 1: New

I was kindly invited to take part in a Blog Activity.
Step 1, give Dani a topic.
Step 2, Dani writes on said topic.
Step 3, Dani posts writings on said topic for others to read, with little to no regard for the reputation of those setting the blog topics.

Sounds easy enough!

Right! So the first topic for Day 1 of 31, is "New". This is fitting, and very, as we say, "appropo". But I ran in to a glitch right from the start.
I couldn't think of anything to write that had to do with anything New!
My first day on the job, and I already have writer's block! Gahhh.

So I put my head to the grindstone for a very literal quick second and thought, hmmmm. Well, the word "new" kinda sounds like the word "nude", so I will just write about Nude things and hope no one notices.


Topic 1- Nude

Let me ask you a question. What does it mean to be Nude?

This goes way beyond the best feeling in the world, which of course is being able to walk around your own house all alone in the buff. I dont know of a single person that doesn't love that feeling.
I am actually talking about real nudity. Clothing-free, skin to air, nothing to see here but the Birthday Suit kind of nude.  Baring it all for the world to see.

I have actual real-time experience with this.
I used to be a fine art model. It was one of my many employs back before I was wielding sharp objects around pets and other veterinary staff members.  In case you aren't familiar with what it takes to BE a fine art model, I will tell you, it takes NO special looks or talent.  You should see some of the people I have had the umm... opportunity to draw when I was in college. Trust me. It certainly doesn't take looks.
It does, however, in most cases, require nudity.  Now, let me also say that as far as part-time work goes, fine art modeling has a pretty good bang for its buck.  All I had to do was... sit there! In front of art students, who, as I knew from personal experience as an art student, always have the cleanest of minds and best of intentions.  I knew that I would be nude in front of like-minded individuals, who, regardless of sex or sexual preference, only would be viewing me as a still life, like a salad boat full of pears or something of the like.  (On second thought, definitely pears.)
With this notion in mind, I take the first job offered, a figure drawing class at UW Milwaukee.

As I enter my first classroom wearing a robe, my worst fears are most definitely confirmed... there is a person that I know, a coworker from my other job, that is in this art class.  I mean, I wasn't actually thinking, this is my worst fear confirmed, but it wasn't far from the top of the list, either.  Not only do I have to stand naked in front of a room full of people, I now have to stand naked in front of a room full of people that I knew.

I had 2 rapid successive thoughts.
1- I cant f#%&ing believe I am about to do this.
2- (while waving and smiling at my coworker awkwardly) I guess there is only one thing to do.

So, I disrobed.

That's right. I buckled down and did the deed I was paid to do, and as I sat there in that classroom with the sound of scritching pencils around me and my left butt cheek soundly sleeping, I realized something.
What else do I have left to hide?

As it so happens, I figured out since the many years that have passed after my first time sitting naked in front of a crowd, I don't have many things to hide, but yet I still find ways to hide from the world. Am I confident enough to show who I really am to those around me? Can I take that step and disrobe just a small, hidden part of myself and be proud of being just... who I am?

The same year I became a part time fine art model I was diagnosed with a mental illness called bipolar disorder. Having a diagnosed mental illness meant weekly cognitive therapy and daily medications, which meant I needed a part time job that fit with my schedule. Some people wait tables or sell books... I modeled in the flesh for the sake of art (Lord help us all). Through that experience and the years to follow, I discovered the meaning of dignity (if not modesty), the quietude of meditative thought (though I still lack any discipline for prolonged concentration), and what it takes to stand exposed for others to see, despite my perceived flaws and fears of not being appreciated or accepted by my peers.

Someone asked me recently, if I could give 2 words of advice to my past self, what would they be?
My response was simply, Thank You.  Thank you for choosing to be Nude in that moment. Past self, you taught me with that simple action how to be a better me in the present and the future. You taught me that, even though you want to awkwardly wave and smile difficult situations away, sometimes it's better to live without fear and just... disrobe and be nude for a little while. Just like running around the house alone in the buff, to live a life without fear truly is the best feeling in the world.

It turns out my past self has some words of advice, too.  Next time you become intimidated with something New, just try going Nude instead.


♥ Dani



** This blog is dedicated to the fine people in the Bipolar Disorder Support Group (by coincidence, one of the hallmark symptoms of BP is a lack of inhibition, and in some people will present itself as a strong desire to stand naked in front of large crowds.)