The Fear of Embarrassment...
The pyche is a very sneaky thing. There is so much that happens automatically in your brain, little defense mechanisms that you probably aren't even aware of, that occur on a moment to moment basis, every second of every day. I am not one to make excuses, generally speaking (though I will invent a lame story from time to time to avoid social interactions... usually revolving around washing my hair), however, I know when my mind is playing tricks on me.
One of my biggest fears, strangely, is NOT embarrasment. I embarass myself on a daily basis. I say the wrong things when I am trying to be funny or crack jokes, I am absolutely horrible at delivering a story because it takes me an eternity to just get to the point, and on top of all that, I am physically clumsy. I trip over my own feet. I handle sterile surgical instruments with butterfingers. Last week, I accidentally stabbed myself with an orthopedic bone pin. In case you didnt know, in the workplace, usually it is better to leave a good impression, not offerings of your own blood on the sharps container.
So, for me, embarrassment is a daily ritual, and frankly, most of the time it makes for pretty good entertainment and a funny story (even if they are long winded).
You would think that, after all this, I would have no trouble putting myself in situations where I am given the opportunity to ham it up. But actually, I am among a very large group of individuals who suffer from glossophobia. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, about 74% of Americans have a fear of public speaking, and I am also one of 5.3 million people in the United States that suffers from one form of social anxiety or another.
That means that 3 of you out of 4 reading this blog are actually scared to death of stepping out in front of a faceless crowd to deliver any kind of speech, presentation, or even a short antecdote or public greeting. Do we really have an appreciation for how this effects us in our daily lives?
I have this terrific opportunity that was practically dropped in my lap several months ago to teach a continuing education course to a group of veterinary technicians. I have been known to procrastinate from time to time, but let me tell you, I have some great ideas that I am really fired up about, and I am all juiced up to start putting together a great lecture with a wet lab. I mean, it could be really good... informative, clever, fascinating, free credit hours for techs, and as a highlight, group interaction with The Best Dog In The World for demonstration purposes.
It sounds awesome, doesnt it? I mean, if you are the perpetual student type who loves adorable black lab mutts.
Well, I can't even bring myself to start this project. Why? It could be extra income, a great learning experience, and an assett to the company that I work for. It would also mean I have to talk, at length, in front of an entire hospital staff. Sadly, even having The Best Dog In The World with me can't take THAT scary part away.
Like I said, I am not usually one to make excuses, and I can't even believe I am admitting to this online to a huge audience (though it could have something to do with the cyber-brown bag covering my face right now), but I suspect my brain is pulling out all the defensive stops on this one. I have come up with every excuse in the book; I need a new computer to assemble the presentataion because my poor little MacBook doesnt have a slideshow program... I don't have enough time, even though I frequently take time out of my day to read Harry Potter (again... and again) and play Mario Cart... I just got myself to working a single full time job again, what do I want to start working extra hours for again?
The list is endless. And highly rationalized.
Has anyone else here procrastinated a project out of fear of the final outcome, being in this case something that involves public speaking?
If so, how did you get over it? Were you ever able to conquer it to finish a task that other people were counting on you to complete?
I would love to hear your comments, experiences or suggestions on this.
This is a solemn plea for some advice or assistance! I really would love to get this project done, but really, I dont know where to start. Where has my confidence gone? Am I seriously so scared of my own public appearance to even formulate more than the germination of some exciting new ideas?
Thanks for reading, everyone. I know I can be an... extreme storyteller, but, as the lady on the corner of Parker Road and I-225 with the cardboard sign always says, Anything Helps, Even Just a Smile (Go Broncos!!)
Oh, and God Bless!
♥ Dani
Also, please check out another challenge participant and the brain child of this project. Garnet you are inspiring! 31 day challenge, by Garnet Scarabin!
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